The Teacher's Day

“Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.”
- Jack Black/Woody Allen

Wai Kru Day was last week. This is like the mother of all school assemblies. The St. Nicholas Easter Vigil of school assemblies. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Extended Version of school assemblies. You get the idea. Anyway, here’s what “Wai Kru” means.

Wai: This is the bow that is basically the handshake of Thailand (no one shakes hands). How deep you bow depends on your relationship with the person. If you see your friend, you would both give each other a small bow. If you saw someone of great importance (Like a monk, school principal, government official), you would give a deeper bow. It’s a greeting, a salutation, and a sign of respect.

Kru: Teacher. That was easy.

Wai Kru Day: Teacher Appreciation Day.

It began in the morning with all the teachers lining up outside the auditorium. An abbot from the nearby temple arrived in an SUV (this monk be swaggin’) and walked past us. We processed after him into the auditorium, where all 3,000 students at the school were crammed into. Students were seated on their knees and gave deep bows to the stream of teachers coming through. The older teachers and administrators were seated on the stage, while the younger teachers, foreign teachers, and other school workers were seated on the side. The phrase “Fire safety capacity limit” kept popping in my head but I decided to disregard it.

Kid  in the front who has to go to the bathroom is all like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1dnqKGuezo

The ceremony started with a long call-and-response session between the students and a monk. After that, a parade of students on their knees shuffled toward the front of the stage with gifts. Students had been preparing these since the beginning of the term. They were large gold cups with a flower arrangement on top. Most were fairly modest but some were very elaborate. The best ones were a soccer ball, two dragons fighting each other, and a minion from Despicable Me.

Two good-lookin' gifts

The students would bring these up to the teachers in the front row. They would give them the gift and begin a sequence of bowing and muttering well-wishes. The students would then move off the stage and be replaced by the next group. This went on for about 45 minutes- there were hundreds of these gifts being presented.

After that ended there was some more prayer and the abbot gave a speech. Apparently he’s a pretty funny guy because everyone was cracking up the entire time. After a few more songs we marched out and the students went to give food to the monks.

It’s very interesting how the students can give the utmost reverence to teachers on occasions like this and then sometimes be little devils in the classroom. Oh well. But some students did give me some handmade flower bracelets! I was very flattered until they said I needed to give them bonus points on the quiz they just took. Smart kids.

My flower bracelet bribe

Other things happenin’:
- Got a haircut the other day. This is always exciting because I can’t really communicate with the barber. Even more riveting is that I have my glasses off while he’s cutting my hair, so I really have no idea what is going on. But this haircut was a great success- he didn’t completely shave off my sideburns like last time.

- I’ve realized that the only thing my students like more than games is when I speak to them in Thai. This is great when they’re starting to zone out. I’ll throw in a Thai word and they go nuts. The most common one I’ll use is the one they say most often, “Maidai.” This means, “cannot.” They usually say this when I ask them to do anything slightly difficult so it’big suprise when I say it back to them.

“Okay everyone please answer questions one, two, three, and four.”
“Teachaaaaa maidaiiiii”
“Ohhhhhhh maidaiiiiiiii stuuuuudentsss”
“TEACHA YOU SPEAK THAI!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AGAIN PLEASE!!!!”

And then they answered all the questions. It’s great. I really should record some of these reactions.

- I went to an art museum for a field trip last week. Art is one of those things I can’t grasp right away. I feel like I need to look at a picture for at least 10 minutes/hours to figure out what’s going. Didn't quite have that chance when our tour guide led us through 5 floors of art in 2 hours. Still, it was pretty neat. There was a bunch of nude portraits so the boy students loved taking pictures of those.

A statue holding a puppet Hitler. Deep.

Remember how I couldn't take any photos of Songkran, the giant water festival? This painting says it all.

Ah, the classic half bird-half nude woman statue.

The Fourth of July is next week. Looks like it'll be a KFC day on Friday.

Mark

P.S. Davis is back in America! He had a great two weeks partying on the Cambridge lawns, paddling down historical rivers, and playing croquet. No seriously, he really did all those. He said croquet is a lot harder than it looks.

We'll miss you on the blog Davis! Guess I'll be the only one writing posts from now on.

Wan'in It

Matt Foley: Now young man, what do you want to do with your life?

Brian: I….actually, Matt….I kinda want to be a writer.

Matt Foley: Weeeeeellll la-de-freakin’ da! We’ve got ourselves a writer here! Hey Dad, I can’t see real good, is that Bill Shakespeare over there?

Dad: Well, actually Matt… Ellen and I have encouraged Brian in his writing.

Matt Foley: Dad, I wish you could just shut your big yapper. Now, I wonder…Brian from what I’ve heard, you’re using your paper, not for writing, but for rolling doobies! You’re going to be doing a lot of doobie-rolling when you’re living in a van down by the river!

- Saturday Night Live

Coming in with a late post this week. Been super busy/lazy this week.

Last weekend was a blast. I went out with some friends to a trendy area in Bangkok called Thong Lo. This is apparently where all the Thai yuppies go and other expat professionals in Bangkok. The bar we went was like the “World of Beers” equivalent in Thailand and was able to savor my first IPA in 8 months. This was really cool because there are generally only about 4 beers available in Thailand. Quick tangent-

There are only a handful of options for any product in Thailand. Three cell phone companies (AIS, TruMove, and DTAC). Two motorbike brands (Yamaha and Honda). Two major convenience stores (7-11, Family Mart). Two major grocery stores (Tesco Lotus, Big C). I could go on and on but it’s interesting that a few companies completely control a given market. While in America there are usually smaller competitors in each market (God bless those T Mobile users), here there are none. I guess letting new brands in would mean less money for the existing ones. Capitalism is a rough game man.

Anyway, back to the beer. Here a quick guide to sampling brews in The Land of Smiles:

1.      Leo. Just a regular beer. Kind of like the Bud Light of Thailand.

2.      Chang. A heavier beer coming in at a whopping 6.8%. However, I’ve heard that the actual alcohol content is unregulated. You could wind up with a bottle that is 4% or 12%.  A real Pandora’s Box.

3.      Singha. This is a bit classier than the last two. More refined, if you will.  

4.      Heineken. You’re a big shot if you drink this. You need to let people know that you have standards and that you like your beer imported, even if it really just tastes average.

And that’s pretty much it. There are few other random ones you can find at restaurants but these beverages rule the street. I mean that quite literally, you can usually see people drinking these on the street at night.

The next day we hit up the beach. We rented a van (colloquially referred to as “the wan”) for the entire day, so this driver could take us wherever we wanted. The beach was great for about an hour before it started raining. Thailand is in the rainy season now so it can pour at the drop of a hat. Since we had this wan that could take us anywhere, the spontaneous decision was made to go to Pattaya.

I had gone there a couple months ago and it’s a pretty sleazy town. We wandered down a side street and received some wolf-whistles from the ladyboys. Several people in our group were not too excited about that. After dinner, we watched the sun set on the beach.

Not bad for sketchy place.

A quick swim later and we began the three hour trek back to Bankgok. Awesome weekend.

The Beautiful Game

One of my recent pastimes has been asking students who they want to win the World Cup. These are the most common answers:

1.      Thailand. Not in the World Cup but that doesn’t stop them from being patriotic I guess.

2.      Lionel Messi. He’s a soccer player, not a team, but why should that stop anyone?

3.      Manchester United. Again, it’s a pro soccer team that isn’t in the World Cup. Loyal fans though.

Honorable mentions: Brazil, Chelsea, Cristiano Ronaldo, Liverpool, and German. Next week’s lesson will clarify that “German” and “Germany” are not exactly the same thing.

Coup update

Daily life goes on. People were getting arrested for throwing up the sign from “The Hunger Games” in public but that seems to have quieted down. The junta has been trying to boost national moral so they decided to show all World Cup games on public TV instead of cable. That would be great except that the games air live at 11 PM, 2 AM, and 5 AM. Not really conducive to a normal sleep schedule.

They were also showing free movies at some places. Unfortunately they were all in Thai so I had no idea what was going on. I clearly am not reaping the benefits of this PR campaign.

The next two weeks should be pretty chill as I start saving up for my next big purchase- my plane ticket home. Whoa.

Mark

Three Birthdays and a Funeral

“It’s your birthday so I know you want to riiiiiiiiide out.”- Jerimiah

“After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
- Albus Dumbledore

Last week I turned 23 and entered the “Jordan” year of my life. In the true Thai way I didn’t celebrate it on just one day, it was spread over three.

The day of my birthday was pretty mellow, for reasons I’ll explain later. A few teachers sang “Happy Birthday” to me throughout the day. “Happy Birthday” is actually an incredibly popular song in Thailand. Any Thai person will know how to sing it. The only difference with the American version is that they don’t say “Happy Birthday, Dear ______,” they just say “Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday.” Total curveball the first time you hear it. The school also gave me a coconut cake, which was superb.

That night I went to my first (and hopefully last) Thai funeral. The mother of an English teacher at my school had passed away earlier that week. With almost every teacher at the school planning on going, it seemed like the thing to do.

The funeral was held in a large room at a nearby Wat (temple). Naturally, the school buses dropped us off two hours before the funeral began. During this time the family greeted everyone who arrived, as well as serving food and drinks. People also gave gifts to the family. The most common gifts were large wreaths. They were hung throughout the room with family name of the giver written on them. Apparently they cost a lot too- roughly $60-90.

The other main gifts were electric fans. While the wreath is a very nice gesture, they get thrown away after a week and don’t really have lasting value. The family can use the fans because everyone gets hot in Thailand. If they have extra, they typically donate them to the monks or the poor. I thought that was a pretty cool alternative.

The actual service began with a monk leading a very long prayer. He then gave a eulogy for about a half hour. And like the rest of the world, it’s still impossible for people to silence cell phones at important events. A Taylor Swift ringtone coming in halfway through the eulogy killed the mood a bit.

After that ended, more monks entered and began chanting for ten minutes. Upon finishing they were presented with gifts from the family. Since monks live very simple lives, the gifts were pretty simple. The most common ones were toothpaste and toilet paper.

And then it was done. Everyone left fairly quickly after the gifts were given. What was interesting is that I never saw anyone cry the entire time. Since Buddhists believe in reincarnation, I wonder if they don’t think death is so terrible. Or it could be a loss of face for Thais to cry in public. Either way, on the outside, it was the happiest funeral I’ve been to.

The next day, I was able to another birthday celebration. We went to this restaurant in Bangkok that has hands-down the best burgers I’ve ever had. I only had to fly to the opposite side of the world to get them. Some teachers from my school and friends from the Bangkok area came as well. Great night with friends and good food.

For the weekend, I was off to visit my friends Eli and Nicole in Phitsanulok. I went to the bus station after work and began the brief six hour ride up there. Crossing city limits, a sign said the Phitsanulok was “The City of Recycling.” I found that hilarious because I didn’t see any recycling bins there, let alone anywhere in Thailand. There was also a mile (kilometer?) marker that informed you that Kuala Lumpur was 1,840 Kilometers away. You know, just in case you were driving to Kuala Lumpur.

There’s technically a curfew from 12 AM-4 AM, with exceptions in the touristy areas and for travelers/emergencies/late-night jobs. I rolled in around 1 AM and saw a bus station filled with people and a few bored soldiers hanging around. We hit traffic on the way to their house. Guess the curfew isn’t too enforced.

I really dug Phitsanulok. It’s a nice sized town with a little bit of everything. We saw the “Most beautiful Buddha in Thailand,” got some fantastic food, and visited the sites of town. Eli and Nicole also use motorbikes to get around since the traffic isn’t too crazy. Since I don’t see much of Nakhon Pathom because I don’t have a cheap way to get around, it was fun to bum around a Thai town.

"The most beautiful Buddha in Thailand"

I also played my first game of knockout in 10 months with their Chinese and Filipino roommates. It was pathetic. We all suck at basketball. It was like the part in Space Jam before the Loony Tunes drink the Special Stuff.

We went out to dinner and they surprised me with a birthday cake. Thanks guys!

The next day I grabbed a minibus back to Bangkok. These are essentially large vans that cram a bunch of people in them and go really fast. About halfway through the trip this huge rattle shakes the left side of the van and we quickly pull over. We pile out of the car and see that the back left tire is flat.  Not just flat, this thing was completely shredded. 

The driver starts jacking it up as rain begins to pour. Another Thai guy and I start holding this tarp up over the driver as he frantically tries to get the wheel off. He gets it off but there’s still a lot of rubber wrapped around the wheel. After a few minutes of tugging, he goes to the trunk and pulls out a samurai sword. I start dying laughing as the driver slashes off the remains of the wheel. Even the other Thai guy though it was funny- he was smiling and muttering, “Ah, samurai, samurai.”

A few minutes later the spare tire was on and we entered the minibus full of people cheering. I was completely soaked for the last few hours of the ride but it was totally worth it.

All in all, a great birthday week. It can be tough being so far away at times but I’m really blessed to have good friends over here. This weekend- I hit the beach.

Mark

P.S. Davis has finally finished finals at King’s College! Sounds like the last month has been hell. I can quote him saying, “I’ve studied all day, every day, for the last five weeks.” I don’t think I’ve ever done that. I don’t think I ever want to do that.

He’s got the next two weeks to rage with the lavish parties the different departments throw. The Brits know how to ball out and it costs roughly 100 pounds to get in one of these all-night parties. I hear that he’ll be attending the Gryffindor one but is 50-50 on Ravenclaw. 

The Great Language Barrier

  “Teacha. Speak Thai.”

- My students

Remember how I said last week that I was super psyched that my students knew a lot of English? Man, I’ve been eating those words all week. The first lesson turned out to be a fluke because most of my classes seem to know less than last term. Mai pen rai I guess.

The language barrier has been one of the most frustrating and humorous parts of living here. Day-to-day, it’s not really a big deal. I know enough Thai (very little) to buy food, go to places in Bangkok, get home, and find bathrooms. I can live comfortably for the most part.

The more frustrating aspect comes in the classroom. Because my students don’t know much English, even basic commands can turn into rocket science. Who knew that, “Work with the person next to you,” is surprisingly complex. Took 10 minutes for that one.

But it makes sense why these things happen in the classroom. I can hardly understand Thai, so I know how difficult it is when someone in a foreign language asks you to do something. It becomes a guessing game of finding the vocabulary they know at working with that. When someone doesn’t understand me, it becomes a game of smiling, patience, and pantomiming. Seriously, I think my hand gestures are more effective than the words I say. If my teaching career tanks I could be one of those mimes who’s trapped in a box.

Let’s end with the funny. Thai is super tonal so I consistently botch saying my student’s names/nicknames. They think it’s hilarious when I say them wrong. The other interesting thing is that the spelling of their nicknames usually aren’t how they sound. I have a student whose nickname is “Palm.” But she pronounces it “Bom.” Hey it’s her name, I’m not gonna argue.

My worst mistake? I once tried to pronounce the name of a town in the north. I ended up talking about a female reproductive organ. Still haven’t lived that one down.

This weekend I’m visiting some friends in the quaint town of Pitsanulok. Tomorrow is also my birthday! My last three birthdays I’ve spent in the Appalachian Mountains drinking Monster out of solo cups. We’ll have to see how this one stacks up.

Mark