The Ills

“If you like your plan, you can keep it.” – President Barack Obama

Well, I finally got sick here in Thailand.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to write about it but I think it’s an interesting look at the Thai health system. You might say some of it has “too much information.” You also might say that it’s a deep look in to the soul of a conflicted man wrestling with disease in a foreign country. Take your pick.

Last week I was afflicted by rapid bowel movements. There, I said it. Let’s be adults about this.

Last Friday night I met up with some friends on Khao San Road in downtown Bangkok. We had a fun night catching up and enjoying the nightlife. The peak of the night was going to “The Club.” Sean Klamm, when you visit, I’m taking you there. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

The last time I was on Khao San Road I had the best Pad Thai I had ever eaten. So good I ate two plates. We tried to find the vendor on the street but no luck. I settled for some Pad Thai from another guy down the road. It was alright.

The next day was terrible. I was running to the bathroom every hour or two. I was trying to think of what could have caused it. Then it hit me - the Pad Thai. This is what I get for settling for crappy Pad Thai. Don’t ever settle kids. You’ll end up like me.

Sunday was even worse. I was getting chills and a fever as well. That afternoon I threw in the towel and called up one of my co-workers and asked what medicine I should get. In Thailand, pharmacies sell antibiotics over the counter without a prescription. Luckily there is a pharmacy in the mall 5 minutes down the road. When I got there, I put my friend’s wife on the phone (she speaks Thai) and gave it to the cashier. They were able to set me up with antibiotics and some electrolyte packets. All for the cost of….90 Baht ($3.00). Not bad.

By Tuesday, word had spread around the office that I was still feeling sick. All the teachers kept telling me to go the hospital. I kept trying to explain that I really wasn’t sick enough for the hospital but to no avail. Midday, two teachers grabbed me and said we were going to the hospital right across the street during my break. Onward!

Hospitals in Thailand are very different than in the US. It’s essentially a combination of an ER, medical clinic, and pharmacy. The Thai teachers were able to translate and I filled out some paperwork when I arrived. After that I waited around until I saw a nurse. Same as in the US, I got my weight and blood pressure taken, explained my problems, etc. I saw the doctor pretty quickly after that. She knew English and prescribed me a different medication. Went down to the pharmacy and grabbed the meds for 80 Baht. It took an hour and half to see the doctor on a drop-in, get my medicine, and get out. That’s what I call a one-stop-shop. Again during all of this I was overwhelmed by the gracious help of the other Thai teachers. They really are incredible people.

In my head I started calling trips to the bathroom in my head, “Incidents.” I had just seen “The Incredible Hulk” and that’s what they call it the Hulk transforms. Bruce Banner turns into a giant green monster and breaks stuff; I prevent nuclear fallout in my pants. Same thing.

The rest of the week went fairly well until Thursday, when I felt an “Incident” coming with a few minutes left in class. I had about 45 seconds to take action. I had two options:

1.      Pop a Pepto Bismo. Waddle around for a few minutes until the feeling goes away. This usually buys me an hour or two.

2.      Begin a comfortable jog to the restroom.

I jammed my hands into my pockets. Cell pohone, house keys, and 20 baht in coins. No Pepto Bismo. Guess we’re going with option 2.

“You all did a great job today!” I yelled, dancing around. “I will see you all next week! Class dismissed!”

I hastily threw my books into my briefcase. A couple students tried talking to me but I brushed them off as gracefully as I could. I then began a full sprint to the downstairs bathroom with, “THANK YOU TEACHHHAAAAA,” echoing in the background. I made it. The world was happy and as it should be.

A week later I’m pretty much back to normal. Quite an interesting experience. I’ll be watching street food with a closer eye from now on.

This weekend I’ve pretty much just been hanging out around my apartment. I’m saving my money for next weekend, which is Loi Krathong. Loi  Krathong is a large Thai festival that occurs every year in November. Thais make tiny raft decorations to float down the river and hang lanterns to celebrate the end of the rainy season. Apparently it’s very beautiful.

Next weekend I’m heading to Sukhothai, where legend says the festival began. I’m meeting up with about 10 other CIEE people, so it should be a fun time. The downside? 7 hour bus ride to get there. Ouch.

Before I end this post, here's a few random Thai things I don't think I've mentioned.

Eating with Spoons and Forks

Thais use fork and spoons, except there’s a big spoon used in the right hand and the fork in the left hand. The fork is used how westerners use a knife. When I was first here I was chided often by servers for using a fork to eat most of my food. Knives don’t exist.

Chopsticks

They only really seem to be used for more formal dinners. I haven't managed to completely embarrass myself using them yet. I can use chopsticks better than I can golf, which isn't saying a lot.

555

555 is the Thai equivalent of LOL. Why? In Thai, the number “5” is “haa.” So if you laugh like, “ha ha ha,” it sounds like you are saying “5” over and over again. Thus, 555=LOL.

Next post will probably be a little delayed as the weekend travels will keep me busy. I also came up with a goal for next week. I’m going to wake up every day before work and do yoga. When in Rome right?

Actually I don’t know anyone here who does that. I’m just giving it a whirl.

Mark

P.S. Nice post Davis. I don't have anything witty to say. It was a good post.