Gametime.

“Allow me to re-introduce myself. My Name is HOV! OH, H-to-the O-V. I used to move snowflakes by the O-Z. I guess even back then you can call me CEO of the R-O-C, HOV!” 

– Jay-Z, "Public Service Announcement"

Wouldn’t it be great if I opened with that on my first day of teaching? I envisioned 45 shell-shocked Thai students looking back at me, trying to figure out if this white guy with glasses really just rapped Jay-Z. Hopefully there would be one kid in the back who throws up the dynasty sign and yells “HOV!”

But alas, words like “professionalism” and “learning objectives and “I don’t want to get fired on my first day” jumped around in my head. I decided against it. But I did come up with a few other creative ideas for my first day of teaching that unfortunately didn’t make the cut:

1.      Take a field trip to McDonalds.

2.      Recite the speech from Miracle that was used before the 1980 Olympic semi-final hockey game. Spend the rest of the period complaining about the Soviets. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvJ4fqaYFq0

3.      Teach the students how to shotgun a monster. ASP skills transfer over to everything right?

4.      Play “Born in the USA” on repeat the whole class.

5.      Twerk.

Anyway, I onto my first real day.

I live about 15 minutes away from school by cab or bus. Since the bus comes every 15 minutes or 2 hours, I was advised to take a taxi. It’s not so bad because one of the other teachers lives down the hall from me so we can split it. I arrived around 7:45 AM. Each day begins with an assembly at 8 AM for all the teachers and all students – about 3,100 people total. They recite the national anthem and say some announcements. My coordinator tells me that I will be introduced to the school the next day or Friday. About 10 minutes later, another Thai teacher grabs me and says that I need to go on stage now and introduce myself in front of the whole school. My speech went a little something like this:

“Good morning!”

“GOOOOOOOOD MORRRRRRNING.”

“My name is Mark Lenz. I will be teaching Mathayom 4 and 5 for the rest of the term. I am from America and look forward to teaching here.”

(Ferocious Applause)

Not really the most eloquent speech but whatever. I also didn’t have my teaching schedule for the day. A few other teachers and I scrambled around the office looking for the schedule of the teacher I replaced.  We finally found it and saw that I had two classes back to back, starting now. I ran to the room and got there around 8:33 AM. The room looks like a classic old American classroom. There is a chalkboard, about 50 desks, a projector, and computer. There were maybe six students in the class. Students slowly trickled in until about 8:40 AM. 

Out of nowhere, they all simultaneously stand and say,

“GOOOOOOODDDDD MORRRNNNNIIIIIING TEEEEEACHHHHHAAAAA”

“Uh, good morning. Nice to meet you. Uh, you can all sit down.”

“THAAAAANKKKKK YOOUUUUUU TEACCHHHHHHAAAAAA”

This ritual happens at every class. It’s triggered by most students being there, if I say, “Good morning class,” or for seemingly no reason at all. Once I say that they I am doing well and that they can sit, they sit.

For the first ten minutes it seemed like I was talking to brick wall. I tried going over rules (don’t talk while others are talking, don’t text, etc.) but just got blank stares. I decided to just jump into the lesson, which was introducing me. I had terms on the board that were related to me and I guided them into making sentences and questions. The purpose of the lesson was just to get an idea of what they know.

For example, I wrote “Justin Bieber” on the board. Thai kids love Justin Bieber. I said that it was my favorite musician and made a sentence out of it. After that we came up with, “Who is your favorite musician?” and I asked that to a handful of students. Michael Jackson, Lady Gaga, and One Direction were all pretty big.

I did this with a couple more terms and closed the lesson with Hangman. Thai teachers tell me that students love games and at least one should be played per lesson. At orientation they told us that Hangman is the most popular game to play in Thai schools. They said that Thai kids grow up with it like American kids learn tic-tac toe. So of course none of my 12 classes have recognized Hangman at all. Once they caught onto how the game was played they really liked it though.

After that I hung out in the office. Since all classes are in different classrooms, all paperwork gets done in the English department office. Everyone has their own desk and there’s a lunch table, refrigerator, coffee table, etc. I spent most of my first day there meeting the other teachers in the department. Everyone was super friendly and helpful. There are five teachers fluent in English (including me) who teach conversational English. The other Thai teachers focus primarily on English grammar.  I already get the vibe that the teachers really look out for each other when they need help with work. Very nice.

Other quirks about the office:

-        The AC IS SO DAMN COLD. It’s probably about 55 degrees Fahrenheit and no one knows how to change it. Everyone wears jackets in the office. Also, they call it “Aircon” and not AC.

-        I can access the wi-fi on my iphone but not my computer.

-        One of the computers there has a virus. If you plug a jump drive in, you have about 10 seconds to open a document before it deletes all documents on the drive. Luckily someone told me this before I tried using it.

-        I found a coffee packet from 2009.

I had lunch at the canteen, the school cafeteria. There are probably 15 different booths that have all types of Thai food. A meal of chicken, tofu, and rice will run me 20 Baht (about 67 cents). This is great for my budget. I’ve also turned off my “everything is so cheap!” thought conversion. I feel like I’m getting ripped off if I pay more than 50 baht for a meal ($1.67).

I taught one more class and then had some more time off before my last class of the day. I get to the room and wait for about 15 minutes and realize that no one is coming. I grabbed my coordinator as he walked by and asked them if he knows where they are. “Oh yes….they had a meeting today. You can go.” First day- done!

Okay, a little bit about the school now.

Like I said, the school has about 3,000 students. There are six Mathayoms (M), or grade levels. All my students or Mathayom 4, or 10^th graders. Students take a test when they arrive at the school that designates them into sections based on their performance. So the most advanced section is M 4-1, then M 4-2, all the way down M 4-12. I teach M 4-1 through M 4-12 for “Listening and Speaking” and M 4-7 through M 4-12 again for “Conversational English.” That brings it to 18 classes a week total. The Mathayom stays together throughout the day and has all their class together. A mother who hates tracking would be in hell here.

What’s interesting is that there are no passing periods. Each period just flows into the next. So second period “starts” at 9:25 AM but it doesn’t really start until 9:30-35 AM. Sometimes students will come into class 20 minutes late and it’s totally normal. Sometimes teachers will come into class 20 minutes late and it’s totally normal. There’s a very laid-back atmosphere when it comes to school.

Discipline has been the most difficult thing to enforce. The students aren’t crazy and yell and fight each other. Some just text, sleep, and talk constantly. I guess American kids do those too. The more advanced students aren’t as bad but these issues are present in every section. If a student is acting out I have a couple options to get them to settle down.

1.      Stare at them until they be quiet. This actually works pretty well.

2.      Stop talking until they stop talking.

3.      Walk by them.

4.      Move their seat.

What I can’t do:

1.      Hit them. Not that I would but other Thai teachers are allowed to hit students. Western teachers are not allowed.

2.      Talk to them about respect, the importance of their education, yada yada yada. They won’t understand if I’m trying to motivate them.

3.      Fail them. Yup, you read that right, fail them. In the Thai education system, teachers are not allowed to fail students. They can get a “needs improvement” at the end of term and will move on to the next Mathayom. Punishing them by lowering their grade is pointless because they’re going to pass anyway.

So basically I just try to keep them engaged constantly. I have them repeat words and phrases loudly, draw bad pictures of what we’re talking about on the chalkboard, and play games. While there are some discipline issues, the students are fun. They laugh often and think I'm funny when I pretty much do charades trying to explain a word. "Teachaaa! Teachaa!" The laughing is easily the best part of class.

Overall my first week of teaching went well. Students stare at me as I walk by and yell “Hello!” and “How are you?” Then they laugh and run away. It’s sort of like I’m a celebrity as they haven’t had an American teacher in several years. Kind of cool but also weird as well.

The classes I taught twice during the week were livelier the second time around. I think it’s going to take some time for them to get used to my accent and teaching style. Next week I’m on a panel of Thai teachers judging a speech competition between a couple other schools in the area. Should be pretty neat.

Thanks for everyone’s support back in the States! Love and miss you all!

Mark

P.S. Davis what’s the Chamber of Secrets look like?